It's been about 2 years + since you left us... but we still think about you night and day.
I remember how I used to try buy things for my mum even when i was short on money (using my savings) and made cards for her. Good memories. It still hurts that she isn't here with me and seeing me in my ball gown and all dressed up with makeup and hair done professionally. It hurts so much when I'm down and she's not here next to me telling me everything will be okay and comfort me through hugs and kisses. It hurts that she's not seeing me grow up and graduate from high school and university then becoming someone successful and get married and meet your son in law (lol) and your grandchildren (tacky but its true).
It still feels so empty and so odd that she's not here everyday in the household (honestly it stills feels weird and no one will understand anything I'm feeling and been though).
Even though my family friend told me to remember happy thoughts about my mum, thinking about how i was right there in front of her slowly in pain and fading from this world and wouldn't be able to do anything but cry... haunts me and for me to see that makes me feel so hopeless and useless. It's so hard to face reality and life without her honestly.. it's really tough. May not seem like it but I hate expressing these emotions to other people.
While I was working, I've served a lot of customers preparing their presents/gifts for Mother's day. I felt happy for them but yet breaks my heart how I can't do something big for my own mother. I envy them all.
I know that God is with me and she's always by my side supporting my family and I. But I can't get over it, and don't think I ever will be. That hole in my heart can never be filled up. Ugh, I know I shouldn't be like this cause its just going to worsen my health condition. Yes, I was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism just few months after my mother's death. Honestly, the first six months was one of the hardest thing to overcome with a rather severe one. It was pretty high reading. Normal reading is about 7? Mine was around 20. Glad I didn't have to go for operation.
Ok lets stop, i think im being a depressing cow. But yeah no one reads this cause no one knows it... so its okay to write it here. Better than fb omg. And my friends forgotten about this so mmhm.
Well anyways, last night was the school ball! It was one of the best night of my life. I hated my dress as I came to love other dresses more than mine, which really made me dislike mine. Sorry Farah and Suaima for listening (lol) but that hatred ended till I won "Best dressed in ball". That was hilarious, even Abi and Iara couldn't stop! Really shocking cause I didn't hear why they called my name for as I was talking to someone but then decided to hide -_- stupid me but went reluctantly. Food was pretty average, dessert was horrible.
Just a few photos:-
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| <3 |
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| :3 |
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| eyeshadows |
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| mother and daughter C: |
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| same height with era |
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| two chingchong and a boi |
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| Nola babe:D |
